TW: eating disorders
One of my aims this year was to eat out more in London, and it’s one of the more enjoyable requirements in this line of work to keep on top of the “must-go” restaurants around the capital. But frankly, the list is getting rather overwhelming.
The amount of TikTok videos I see with the title “Best date night spots in London” and I sigh, scroll past, go onto Google Maps and pin it to add to the aforementioned expanding list. Bar Crispin is one of the many. I am single so I don’t have a partner to share “date-night” restaurant experiences with, and working in hospitality as I do at the moment limits the opportunities for evenings out with my incredible friends (you know who you are).
Let me stress that I embrace platonic dates - one of my best friends and I have regularly scheduled “date nights” which have been a ritual since our third year at University. And I am comfortable with solo time, hand on my heart, I love my own company - solo cinema dates, solo farmers market dates, solo gallery dates, you name it. But a solo dining date is something that I am ashamed to admit is not something I would choose. Eating is a communal experience. Sharing the flavours, the atmosphere, the experience with somebody or a group of people is one of my greatest pleasures in life. I live alone, I eat alone most evenings in front of the telly and that doesn’t feel abnormal, so what is this fear of eating alone in public?
There seems to be a ridiculous societal taboo around eating alone which I truly think is fading but there is the unconscious presumption of somebody being lonely or lacking in friends or socially awkward if they are eating out alone. It is the truest thing in the world that nobody is thinking about you as much as you are. Humans are inherently selfish and self-absorbed and everyone is far more interested in how they are coming across than making judgements about other people. Personally, I am always inspired and envious when I see people eating alone at the restaurant where I work - sitting confidently at the counter with a little glass of wine, a pasta dish and a book. The dream. So, when a free, sunny Monday arose it felt like the perfect opportunity to take the plunge and challenge myself to overcome my own resistance.
My booking was at 1.15pm and as I got off at Oxford Circus I felt nervous. My nerves were over-riding my excitement to finally be eating at a restaurant that has been on my list for months. I chose to sit outside as sunshine in London is a rarity and people watching is one of my favourite activities.
The first thing, and I mean the VERY first thing the waiter did was lay the table with TWO menus and TWO water glasses. This was so interesting and I suppose reflective of our ingrained societal assumptions. This and the fact that I was the only diner in the outside area of the restaurant (it was 1.15 on Monday in all fairness) further highlighted my soloness and honestly, made the first few minutes feel extra challenging. A busy restaurant would make the experience feel easier - more going on, more distractions, more opportunities for interactions or people watching - but I had, without meaning to, made this solo date all the more confronting for myself.
The waiter eventually understood I was not waiting for anybody and took my order. I ordered:
Glass of fizz: Meinklaus “foam vulkan” pet nat
Toklas sourdough, cultured butter
Crispy polenta, aioli, parmesan
Burrata, cavolo nero, walnuts
Sea bream crudo, horseradish, shiso
The glass of sparkling wine was delicious, refreshing and slightly acidic and the perfect wine to sip as I watched the world go by. I am guilty of constantly having something playing in my ear whether that be a podcast or a playlist so I challenged myself to take out my AirPods and be fully present. It was actually wonderful and grounding and something I will continue to put into practice.
The sourdough and cultured butter arrived first. The perfect start to any meal. The butter was not only cultured, but whipped and frankly, the hold that salted, whipped butter has on me is ridiculous - it just completely trumps all other buttery incarnations. Then all at once, the polenta, burrata and crudo were sitting in front of me.
The burrata was not what I was expecting. It was not in its usual ball form, it had already been broken so was like a base on the plate - a base for the cavolo nero pesto-like concoction to sit on. The creamy burrata alongside the chunky, slightly herby walnut/cavolo nero paste was the perfect contrast of textures and tastes and dolloping it on the sourdough was a great combination.
Next was the crispy polenta with aioli and parmesan which is the signature dish at Bar Crispin. Four perfect rectangles of fried polenta topped with aioli and generous shavings of parmesan. I have only recently appreciated how delicious polenta can be and thank goodness I have because these little bites were four mouthfuls of heaven.
Finally, it was time for the sea bream crudo which blew me away. So few ingredients that really packed a punch - thin slices of sea bream in a fiery horseradish sauce topped with crispy, thinly sliced shiso (a Japanese mint). I am desperate to know how they crisped that mint up because it really elevated the dish, providing the perfect crunch. For me, this plate cemented Bar Crispin as a better-than-average wine and small plates spot. London is frankly over-saturated with wine bars with similar offerings that are disappointing and lacklustre (Plume in Covent Garden, I’m looking at you), so it is refreshing to experience a place that offers 10/10 wines and innovative small plates.
As I was slowly making my way through my food (and second glass of wine…) I took the opportunity to reflect and think about what emotions arising from my solo dining date. First and foremost, I felt overwhelmingly grateful. I am lucky enough to live in a city filled with amazing restaurants, the sun is shining and my work gives me the freedom to spend my time like this. A feeling of pride also came up because experiences like this highlight my recovery and the incredible journey I have been on to heal my relationship with food. When I was in the depths of my eating disorder, being alone was the perfect opportunity to avoid eating. Eating disorders are not only isolating illnesses but truly thrive in isolation. Now, cut to five years later, when I am alone I am actively seeking out opportunities to enjoy the experience of eating. A place I never saw myself getting to.
Overall, this solo dining experience was really enjoyable, despite being slightly confronting. Sitting with my thoughts, no music blasting through my AirPods and attempting to not feel self-conscious wasn’t as easy as I had anticipated but once I allowed myself to feel these uncomfortable feelings, I managed to be present and really relish the experience. It is something I would definitely do again and would ure you to do so too. Do I wish I had met a fellow handsome solo diner and we struck up a natural, flowing conversation and eventually fell in love? Sure. But I don’t live in a Richard Curtis film and I am slowly learning to be okay with that.
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